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“Either I’ll never get over her,” he said, “or it doesn’t matter anymore.” After that, he was in a five-year relationship with someone he met online, but he didn’t want to talk about that one. A faint Pavlovian grief kicked in; I could see the pastness of them all too clearly. It was as if I had crested a pass and come upon an entirely new eco-system, a microclimate: thousands upon thousands of men, stretching away past the horizon line of my understanding. Colleagues’ somewhat inexplicable dating stories — “She’s a semi-professional basketball player” — now seemed utterly explicable. I could step over and around and towards people with an accuracy that seemed magical. And I did not have particularly high standards: I had no consciously framed deal-breakers, my age range was laughably large and I did not know that if you clicked on a tab labelled “The two of us”, you could read their answers to questions you had also answered, and see, for example, if they also agreed that having sex on drugs was a somewhat good idea, or if turning a right-hand glove inside out would turn it into a left-hand glove. I registered the percentages — how much they were a match, how much a friend, how much an enemy — as if they were bodily measurements, but the difference between a 75% match and a 92% match didn’t seem like a huge deal breaker. Still, I culled about 95% of the messages I received. I also assumed none of these men would presume any kind of attraction on the basis of agreeing to a date; it seemed obvious that percentage match was no indicator of chemistry, which is as mysterious and self-evident as coastal limestone formations.
“Saving the world’s lighting, one rich person at a time,” he said. We had agreed to meet at a Japanese cocktail bar that is known for its ceiling fresco of unhappy-looking Asiatic cherubs. From Ok Cupid alone, I was receiving more than a hundred a day. A “conversation” about whether to even hang out in the first place seemed bureaucratic.
“A guy I work with says that.” I liked that he gave credit where it was due. We drank, and talked and smiled at each other, and the smiling and the talking were utterly separate, like sound and image in a silent film. This was my fault: I simply needed to reset the email notification settings on my account. Nonetheless, despite my smug dismay with American culture, I’d grown up with American TV.
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